Never Too Old To Learn - My Journey With ETF (Eating The Food)

During the last year I have had a transformation. I've been pretty quiet about it not sharing much of my story because honestly I was kind of embarrassed by it. I thought if I tried to explain it, people would think things like, "Oh boy, she is weird!" or "Wow, she's not normal. Everyone already knows what she's just now learning!" In all reality, there are a lot of people who do understand where I was at the end of 2013 and where I have arrived at the end of 2014, and these people are the ones who helped me get to the place I am right now. Most of these people are men and women I have interacted with online via three private facebook groups I'm a part of and from some wonderfully intelligent people who have blogs I read on a somewhat regular basis. Most of the credit for my transformation goes to them and the ideas they shared with me via facebook posts/comments and blog posts. However, some of the credit for my transformation is the result of my work in embracing their ideas and implementing them into my lifestyle until they became second-nature and I didn't have to think about them.

So you are probably wondering, "What is this transformation she is talking about?" Very simply stated it is: I HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD! You are probably wondering what it means to have a healthy relationship with food. First, let me share a little about my past. I don't ever remember a time that I didn't consider myself overweight. From the time that I got married 27 years ago I have always been on a quest to lose weight, sometimes with more concerted effort than other times. Even when I looked my best one year ago I was still struggling to lose 10 more pounds because I had a specific number on the scale I thought I needed to achieve. Through the last 27 years, I've tried a lot of different diets. I've tried the grapefruit diet, the cabbage soup diet, Best Loser diet, carb cycling, Paleo and more. The thing about all of these diets is that they involve restricting certain foods. Regardless of which diet I was on, the one thing I always did was stress and obsess about food. I obsessed about what I could and couldn't eat, which caused stress. When a diet said to not eat xyz, I didn't eat xyz, for a period of time, then reality would hit and I would not only eat xyz, but I would binge on it. In my new healthy relationship with food, the one thing I NEVER do is restrict foods. When I say I have a healthy relationship with food this is what I mean:

1. Food is fuel for my body, there are no good or bad foods, just fuel.
2. Foods no longer have labels like "healthy foods" or "junk food." Some foods are more nutrient dense than other foods and that is all there is to it.
3. Unless I have a medical condition (which I don't) there is NO reason to restrict any one certain food or food group. At 51 years of age I no longer restrict any foods. I allow myself to eat what I want, when I want it.
4. Because I no longer restrict foods, I no longer binge on certain foods. I used to binge on sweet foods, as a matter of fact I avoided keeping certain foods in my house because I would binge on them. Now I keep cookies, ice cream, candy, chips, dip, etc. in the house. When I want to eat it, I do. Does that mean I eat it all the time or every day, no, not at all, just when I want it, which is not all the time or every day, just once in awhile.
5. Due to #3 and #4 I no longer stress/obsess about food. When I see cookies, I think, "It's a cookie," not "OMG, it's a cookie, I shouldn't eat it, but I really want it. What should I do?" After a few minutes of this I would eat not just one cookie but four or five cookies and then I'd berate myself for eating them. Sometimes I'd even spend extra time exercising because I ate those stupid cookies. Now if I want the cookie I eat it, but many times I find that I don't really want it so I don't eat it. This is a very novel feeling for someone who has a pattern of restricting/binging. During the weeks of the Christmas holiday I think I ate a total of four frosted sugar cookies. In the past I would have eaten a couple of dozen frosted sugar cookies. I would have had at least four a day. Am I restricting myself from eating them? No! I can eat a frosted sugar cookie whenever I want one and that is why I'm not "binging" on them. I know during Christmas and and even when Christmas is over I can have a frosted sugar cookie whenever I want one so I don't have to binge on them during the holiday. In the past, knowing I wouldn't allow myself to have them once Christmas is over is why I would binge on them during the holiday. Oh, the peace of mind this way of dealing with food gives me!!!
6. I like a lot of nutrient dense foods so I include them in my daily meals, which means most of the time I am now eating what people consider "healthy" food. I guess the one good thing about some of the crazy diets I've tried is that I have tried a lot of nutrient dense foods that I probably never would have tried before. Not only have I tried them, but I have found a lot of them that I like. Homemade sweet potato chips and baked kale are two of my favorites! I should eat them and eat them often since I really like them.
7. I have something called a BMR and a TDEE (and so do you). My BMR is my basal metabolic rate and it is the number of calories my body needs to survive if I do absolutely nothing all day long. My TDEE is my total daily energy expenditure and it is the number of calories that I need to function based on the activity level I maintain.There are many online calculators that can help you figure your TDEE. The one I use can be found here: TDEE Calculator 
8. Many diets suggest a woman eat around 1200 calories per day to lose weight. This is a ridiculously low number of calories. In order to lose weight I know I need to eat around 300-500 calories per day below my TDEE. If I want to lose weight and I'm not, it is because I'm not eating below my TDEE. 
9. I do not have to spend countless hours doing cardio to burn calories. I do need to do some kind of strength workout (bodyweight, dumbbells, barbells or any combination of them) two to three times a week (approximately 30 minutes) to build and keep muscle and I do need to do some sort of fun type of movement activity that I enjoy (approximately 30-45 minutes) three to four times a week.
10. The number on the scale doesn't matter. Last year at this time I liked the way I looked and felt, but still wanted to lose another 10 pounds to reach a certain magical weight. Through the process of getting to this healthy relationship with food, I gained some weight. My goal is to get back into the clothes I was wearing a year ago. It doesn't matter what the scale says when I fit into those clothes again, when I get there I'll be satisfied with "that place" and I will eat and exercise to keep me at "that place" regardless of the number on the scale.
11. Losing weight and achieving a healthy body are not things that can be done quickly nor is there ever an end point to it. There might be an end point in that I can achieve the look I want and get my body to a healthy state, but if I don't continue the process that got me to that point I won't stay at that point. That is why it is SO IMPORTANT to find something (eating and exercise) that is sustainable for a lifetime. The crazy diets are not sustainable, but ETF is. Crazy amounts of exercise are not sustainable, but 30 minutes of strength work two to three times per week with some fun cardio activity three to four times a week are sustainable.
12. Most of the "weight loss" schemes that we see and get sucked into have NO factual scientific research based evidence showing they actually produce the results they show us. All of the evidence they give us is anecdotal (not necessarily true or reliable, because based on personal accounts rather than facts or research). I have learned to look for factual scientific research based evidence when considering implementing new ways of doing things in my life.
13. Do what works for you. I've often heard you should eat 5-6 small meals per day and you should eat every 3 hours to keep your insulin levels stable. That doesn't work for me. What does work is eating 3 meals per day at 7:00am, 11:30am and 6:00pm. I've done this for years and I've lost weight just eating three meals a day. It works for me so I should keep doing it. I have also heard you should eat something before you workout, or you should eat protein within 30 minutes after your workout. I absolutely cannot eat anything before working out and it's usually an hour after my workout when I get around to eating, and I don't necessarily eat protein. I've lost weight doing this, it works for me so I should keep doing it. No matter what you hear, if you are doing something and it is working you should keep doing it regardless of what you hear that you should be doing. DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!!!

Okay, in #10 above, I revealed that getting to this place of having a healthy relationship with food caused me to gain weight. You might think I would be upset about that. I am not. It is such an awesome feeling to not be thinking about food all the time that the extra pounds I gained getting to this mental state were worth it. I would much rather be the size and shape I am now with my current mental state than the size and shape I was last year when I was obsessing about food all the time. That being said, I am not satisfied with the size and shape I am. I do want to get to what I see as my practical ideal size/weight. This was a size/weight where I liked the way I looked and I was able to participate in all of the fun activities I enjoy. I have continued to workout during the last year, but I don't put in the hours and hours of cardio that I used to. However, that is not why I gained the weight I gained over the last year. The weight gain is a result of something called ETF. ETF was an important process I had to go through to get to the place I am right now. ETF stands for "Eating The Food." Eating the food is just that, eating the food, any and all foods. Imagine this, you have been restricting foods for years because of various diets you've been on, then all of a sudden you say, "I'm done. I'm never restricting foods again. I'm going to eat what I want, when I want it!" That's what I said to myself and that's exactly what I did, I began "eating the food." When most people do this, they do exactly what I did, they go a little crazy and "eat a lot of the food." The reason we all do this is because we have given ourselves a freedom we have not experienced in a long long time. An example of what I did was this, I had not had Pop Tarts for years because they were a forbidden food. When I allowed myself the freedom to ETF I ate a package of Pop Tarts every morning for breakfast. I did that for a month, but eventually I quit eating the Pop Tarts because I no longer craved them. I finally quenched my Pop Tart fix. But here is the awesome thing, I will never binge on Pop Tarts again. I keep a box of Pop Tarts in the pantry at home and a box of them in my snack drawer at work. I haven't had a Pop Tart in over three months even though they are readily available. I haven't had Pop Tarts in over three months because I haven't wanted them. However, when the day arises that I want a package of Pop Tarts I will eat them and I will enjoy them with no guilt because Pop Tarts are just food that fuels my body. There is nothing evil about Pop Tarts!

Back to the reason I gained weight while I was implementing ETF into my life. Pop Tarts were not the only food I had been restricting for years so they were not the only food I was reintroducing in my life. Overall, I was consuming quantities of food that were above my TDEE on a daily basis. Weight loss/weight gain is about calories in/calories out, and during my first few months of ETF I was taking in more calories than I was burning and this led to weight gain. For the last three to four months I've maintained my weight. Just before the holidays I felt like I was really ready for the next step of my ETF journey and that was to eat 300-500 calories below my TDEE. However, with the holidays approaching I didn't want to worry about tracking calories. It is hard enough for me to track calories during regular times I sure didn't want to try to do that when I knew I would be eating holiday foods that I don't typically eat so I held off on that until after the holidays. Now that the holidays are over I will continue the process of ETF (eating any and all foods when I desire them) along with the process of eating 300-500 calories below my TDEE. In order to do this I will have to track my food for a few weeks. I do not especially like tracking my food, but in order to get a feel for how much food I can eat, initially I will have to track.

I think the reason that I tried all those crazy diets during the last several years was because they offered hope of quick weight loss. Who doesn't want to lose weight and get healthy quickly? We all would like that, but time has shown again and again, most people who try those crazy diets aren't successful for the long term. I now realize that I have to eat and exercise in ways that will get me to my goals, but will also be sustainable for me for the rest of my life. I have found that with ETF. As mentioned previously, my goal is to fit into my clothes I was wearing last year at this time. Using the TDEE calculator I posted in the link I shared above I found the following information:

1. My BMR is 1553 calories - this is what I have to eat daily to sustain my life (not starve myself)
2. My TDEE is 2511 calories - this is what I have to eat daily to maintain my current weight based on my current activity level

In order to lose weight I need to eat 300-500 calories below my TDEE so I will plan on eating 2000 calories per day. It may seem like 2000 calories is a lot to eat and expect to lose weight, but I am an active person. I need to fuel my body. If I followed the advice from a lot of diet plans and only consumed 1200 calories per day I'd be starving my body and I probably wouldn't have the energy to do all the things I do. Here's another thing I learned over the few months about ETF, TDEE and tracking calories. I don't have to be exact. I'm a perfectionist so my nature would be to eat 2000 calories every day and I'd get all freaked out if I ate 2300 calories one day. However, this doesn't have to be exact. If I can average 2000 calories per day for the week then I'll be okay. One day I might eat 2300 calories, but another day I might eat 1800 and another day I might eat 1950. As long as it averages out and I don't ever fall below my BMR of 1553 then I will be using a strategy that will help me achieve my goal of losing weight and achieving a healthier body. My long range goal is to lose enough weight to fit into my clothes from last year. I could pick a lot of strategies to help me achieve that goal including but not limited to tracking calories, drinking eight glasses of water a day, eating 150 grams of protein per day, eating protein at every meal, doing strength workouts three times a week, doing fun cardio workouts four to five times a week, eating more vegetables, getting eight hours of sleep every night, etc. One reason many people fail at trying to do something new is because they jump in with both feet and try to change so much of what they are doing that they crash and burn after a short period of time. In order to avoid that I am picking two strategies to focus on for the next four weeks. I will

1. Track my calories aiming for an average of 2000 per day
2.  Eat more vegetables every day, aiming for 3 servings of veggies per day

I will try to check in at the end of January with an update on my progress on these two strategies, but I make no promises :-).

I would like to share some links to the facebook pages and blogs that have been the source information that allowed me to achieve this transformation.

Facebook Group: Eating The Food
This is a private facebook group in which you have to request to join. If you do join, your ideas about food/eating may be challenged. I would say to give them a chance, read through the posts/comments for a few months before making up your mind about staying in/leaving the group. This group is not the only source of information, but it is the major source of information that led to my transformation of ideas about food.
Blog: Nerd Fitness
This is my favorite blog. It has posts that are so practical with regards to applying new strategies to your life, both health and fitness wise, but also in all aspects of your life that if you implement just one or two strategies every couple of months you will "level up" your life (make positive improvements). You do not have to be a nerd to get some good out of this site!
Facebook Page: James Fell - Body for Wife
Blog: Go Kaleo
Blog: Lift Like A Girl/Nia Shanks